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August 29, 2005 - "Me, Myself and I" by Brenda LeSage

 

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"Every day that we wake up is a good day. Every breath that we take is filled with hope for a better day. Every word that we speak is a chance to change what is bad into something good." ~Walter Mosley, Writer



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The 2005 Poetry Contest entries are flooding in! Please note that only those submissions complying with the guidelines will be considered. Contest details can be found here:
http://www.2theheart.com/contestrules

I am looking for very powerful stories and poetry to run on 2TheHeart in remembrance of September 11, 2001. Please send submissions to me at editor@2theheart.com, subject line "Submission 9-11". Enjoy this remarkable story of a woman's journey to finding her true self today. I know it inspired me, as I'm sure it will you!



"ME, MYSELF, and I"
by Brenda LeSage

Me, Myself and I sound like all the same person. Trust me, they are three sides of the one and all three are different. Today, I'm going to tell you about us. Change is good even if it's not your idea.

Several years ago, it was all about ME. I had to be at the top of my grade level at work. I had to have designer clothing and handbags. I had to have lots of gemstones diamonds, emeralds and pearls, everything found in a treasure chest was it. I even had to have a Lexus LS 400 to drive. I didn't care about people that much unless we were working on a special project and I needed for them to do something for ME. My job was my identity and I took it very seriously. It was all about ME. My husband was an important part of my life but he was pretty much caught up in the same rat race, so we had a lot in common there - all about ME.

Almost 4 years ago, my life changed and over the next few years, there were drastic changes in my life.

The old ME went out the window and MYSELF had to take over. On August 22, 2001, I became critically ill and over the next three months I fought for my life. It started with a cerebral hemorrhage in my brain or an aneurysm in my brain that burst, followed with a stunned heart, double pneumonia, a pulmonary embolism and a spinal fluid infection. I was on a respirator and had a trach. I went into the hospital with a long head of blonde hair and came out of there bald with scars from my surgery in three different places on my head and a shunt, what a sight! I couldn't walk - I walked with a walker, I was deaf in my right ear, my balance was off because of numbness and tingling in both feet and no recollection of three months of my life. One of the first things I remember is watching television and asking what was going on with all those bombings... 9-11 came and went and I had no clue. I had to learn to walk, drive, read (I had double vision), all those things associated with a brain injury and that we take for granted. I remember the first time we walked to the light pole, the stop sign, around the block.

One of my doctors said that I had suffered a complete meltdown. He compared it to a 747 airplane crashing and one person walking away from the plane and that was me. That was my chances of surviving. Thank God for the support system that I had. Ed would help me do all those things I could not do or had not thought that I should do. I was lost in MYSELF and I had to think of those things that I had long ago forgotten. There were bath rails, canes, rehab, trying to wake up and re-teach my brain how it all works together. I discovered a lot of things - what was significant and what was not. It was hard work but we did it.

I attempted going back to work. You would have thought the old ME would have taken over and come back into the picture. No way! The company that I worked for told me that I was just not the same, that the job that they needed me to do had to be someone who could "get the job done", and I just wasn't cutting it. So, all my fears became a reality and I was put on disability.

I had a hard time. I felt guilty about not working. I felt alone. I was sad. I was depressed (and still at times am sad about the realities of my life). I have pretty much had to start over. I have become a brand new person. That self-centered dominant, confident person has been replaced with a person who loves people, takes time to talk and ask about friends and their families, genuinely loves God and all his children. I pray a lot, I volunteer, I help whenever I can. I probably won't work again, not in the way I did before, not in the way I found the joy in my life, but there are other things that are much better, things that I had just left behind. My parents, siblings, and friends mean the world to me. Jesus is my friend as well as Savior. Ed is everything to me, totally selfless and loving. With his help, we are going to make ME, MYSELF, and I into one person - one really good person.

I have to say, CHANGE IS GOOD!


(c)2005 by Brenda LeSage; all rights reserved  
bblesage@swbell.net  

Brenda LeSage lives a simple life in Texas with her husband, Ed, and her little dog, Dewey. She loves to read, work with her vegetable garden, cook, especially Cajun food, and play with Dewey. She volunteers weekly at a fitness center and meets with fellow Christians for praise and worship. She still wonders "Why did He save me?", but that's another of those unanswered questions.



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