March 10, 2005 - "This Little Light of Mine" by Amy Toohill
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
"Every day that we wake up is a good day. Every breath that we take is filled with hope for a better day. Every word that we speak is a chance to change what is bad into something good." ~Walter Mosley, Writer
So many of us have had to endure a broken heart and often we don't know how to heal it. Just knowing that others understand is a big part of healing and I think Amy's article will help reach many of us who need to know we aren't alone. Letting your light shine and simply even finding your own light can be so healing, but don't forget to also lean on our Father in Heaven for the unconditional love that we all have in Him.
"This Little Light of Mine"
by Amy Toohill
Why can't our hearts heal like our bodies do? Why, when our heart is wounded, does it hurt so much and for so long? There's no bandage we can put on a broken heart. There's no medicine we can take to make it stop hurting.
A couple of months ago I had major surgery. A week after that my marriage of ten years ended and I was left with a broken heart. Two life-changing events. Two open wounds. One I planned and one I didn't. One meant to improve my life and one threatening to destroy it. The pain from the surgery was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart.
Looking back, I can't help but notice how different the time frame of healing is between my body and my heart.
My body is almost completely healed now. It's amazing, isn't it. our body's ability to heal? Think about it, whether it's a scrape, a cut, a bruise or even a large incision from surgery - the body just knows to heal itself. It just does it automatically.
I wish my heart healed like that. I wish I could make the memories stop playing movies in my head. I wish the tears would stop flowing and finally dry up. I wish the past could go back to bringing me comfort rather than pain because I miss it so much. I wish I could feel as loved as I did the day I got married. And I wish that all the love and support that I've gotten from so many wonderful people would somehow heal me and make me whole again.
I know though, that the only one that can do that is myself. There are so many pieces of me scattered around. Only I can pick up the pieces, put them together and make myself whole again.
Someday, I'm going to see myself the way others see me. Some day I'll quit blaming myself for not being able to be the person he needed me to be. Some day I'll believe, in the deepest part of my heart, what everyone keeps telling me. that is wasn't my fault, that I did everything I could possibly do and most of all, that I deserve to be loved.
I don't know what's going to happen to me or what tomorrow may bring. But I do know that I WILL heal. It may not be tomorrow, or next week, or even next month. but with time, I will heal. And some day, with God's help, I'll have enough love for myself that no matter who comes or goes in my life, and no matter what changes occur. I will be ok. I will be whole. Maybe that's Gods plan in all this. to teach me to be whole. Maybe I needed to lose everything so that I could find myself.
These past couple of months the darkness of depression has surrounded me. But you know, even in the darkness, tiny rays of light still manage to push their way through. I always assumed that those rays of light were on the outside, fighting to make their way inside of me. But could it be that those rays of light are actually the light within me - trying desperately to break free? Struggling to show the world how bright it can shine?
So I continue to chip away at the darkness that separates my light from the world. Little by little, step by step, one day at a time. And one day the darkness will disappear and I will shine, just like that song we all sang as a child. "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine!
© January 2005 ~ Amy Toohill
Amy's writing is featured in our 2TheHeart book and she is also a 2TheHeart writer of the month and you can read more about her here: http://www.2theheart.com/heartwriters
The Letter Box:
Re: "Message in a Memoory": This really hit home and boy could I relate. Beautiful Story! Kay Jones, NM
Dear Lou.....My humble words cannot express what my tears told me as I read your wrenching story. How brilliantly you captured all the feelings of yourself and siblings. My heart ached with thoughts of your mom's brand of misplaced love most of us simply cannot relate to. I admire you greatly and hope for you only the most loving kind of closure to a wretched childhood. May the Lord hold you and yours close forevermore.
You wrote a beautiful touching story. Anytime I see someone turn away from bitterness to sweetness, I get encouraged.
People who come from functional happy families often don't understand what it is to struggle like you did in seeing your mum as a person who also was hurt and damaged ... by her family. It's interesting to read that as you did that, you were able to forgive and find freedom.
Keep doing that. The legacy you build from that will not only bless you, but your family and many others who look on.
God bless, Robert
A well written story is to the reader like a calm to the soul. I did not have this growing up so I can't identity with the loneliness or rejection these children experienced. I know what the rejection I experienced as a wife from the husband did to me. I am an adult so I should have been able to stand it. Wrong! Rejection hurts at any age. Forgiveness is the key to healing. Tennie Winter
Susan, I was very touched by Maggie's story. (Maggie Saves the Day) I have rescued dogs (and cats) my entire life, spay/neuter them and find them homes entirely on my own, and do not hear of many vets who are dedicated to end the suffering of animals as Dr. Land does. Although I don't have a lot of money, I was wondering if there was a fund that I could contribute to, to help Dr. Land continue on with spaying and neutering these animals. This story reminds me of the quote "Evil prevails when good men do nothing", as many vets look at overpopulation and suffering as a sad situation, but leave it at that. Please pass on my immense respect for Dr. Land and staff and again, if there is any way to help, I would love to be able to send whatever I could from time to time.
Making a difference, one story at a time!
Sending hope to the heart!